Wednesday, September 1, 2010
It’s hard to actually describe what I experienced during his lecture. His lecture didn’t focus on his images, at least not in the way I am used to viewing the images of a photographer, and he definitely did not focus on what camera or lens he used. His images by themselves are incredibly moving, but instead of just talking about his pictures, we were invited to share in the power of Peter’s memories that come with the images. And to be allowed to watch a photographer react to the power of his memories, well, that’s something special and unique. The experience felt both raw and pure, and was also very genuine, even in a room of 20 strangers.
Maybe it was just my experience with the lecture. I doubt anyone walked out with the feelings I’m having, but that’s the beauty of life. A room full of people can experience the exact same thing and be moved or unmoved in a thousand different ways.
Peter’s lecture connected with me on a very personal level and allowed me the space to think and process some of my own personal conflict. During this past summer, photography has been a part of my life like it has never been before. I’ve survived (a.k.a made some money) as a “full-time” photographer/photography assistant. I’ve had the wonderful honor of working in the studio with acclaimed wedding photographer, Julia Newman, and have also had the opportunity to assist her on shoots. I know that right now, I am learning more than I even realize.
It wasn’t until I was looking at Julia's blog with Danny that I realized how much I have picked up from working with her. I can discuss her use of lights and darks, her focus on detail, and how she interacts with her subjects to get the reactions she is looking for. But one of the things I admire most in her work is her composition. There are so many layers and so much depth to her work. She is truly a storyteller.
I experienced similar admiration today with Peter’s work. He tells very difficult and very beautiful stories with grace. You can see and feel in his photos that he cares deeply and passionately for his subjects and the stories he tells. It was refreshing and inspiring to experience someone that has so much personal investment in his work.
Something I noticed during his lecture was that whenever Peter talked about the act of making a photo, he almost always referred to it as “making a picture.” It’s the difference of a single word, but “making” a picture versus “taking” a picture convey two very different feelings. Making something means that you are creating and eventually sharing something. Taking feels as if you are stealing something and that you are only doing the act for yourself. I want to “make” pictures, not take them. I want to give pictures and share pictures, not keep them just for myself. I want my pictures to open the door to new connections with people and to not close the door on people with suspicion. This minor difference in terminology can affect how you interact with your subjects.
My most fulfilling shooting occurs when I approach my subject(s) with genuine curiosity and interest. I have a motto that I live: I believe that if you approach people and topics with genuine interest and compassion, then people will open up to you no matter how difficult or sensitive the topic. I also think that this belief has led me to some of the most life-changing talks, sometimes with complete strangers. Everyone has something valuable to share if you take the time to listen and ask questions.
Here’s to feeling inspired and truly motivated to make the world a little bit of a better and brighter place…
Monday, August 9, 2010
This month’s speaker was Arizona-based wedding and portrait photographer and photography educator Jared Platt. He gave a 2-hour lecture at Calumet about post-production workflow in Lightroom, the value of photographer’s time, and why clients hired YOU. Let me say, I attend a lot of lectures around NYC, but I have never heard anyone speak about workflow like Jared did. I was truly blown away by the end of this lecture!
Jared’s lecture began with him giving the two reasons why clients hire you: 1) They want you!, and 2) Your eye and your vision. As photographers, we see the world differently. We see angles, movement, composition, light, shapes, colors, etc. Clients hire us for the way we see the world. As professional photographers, we trust our eye and gut instinct in the field and now we have to learn how to trust our eye and gut instinct during image selection. This means letting go of your old way of selecting images and changing bad habits.
Friday, July 23, 2010
Monday, July 12, 2010
Please send me a message if you are interested in participating in the project.
Friday, July 9, 2010
Our society frequently asks people to identify and define themselves through rigid, closed-ended questions, thus forcing people to either identify as something they are not or forcing the individual not to answer certain questions. The purpose of this project is to give people a space to identify themselves in a way they would like to be identified. "The Identity Project" will use environmental portraits, short audio interviews, and an open-ended questionnaire to give participants the chance to identify themselves in the way they see fit.
Two areas that will be specifically focused on in this project will be gender identity and sexual identity. In order to protect the confidentiality of participants and to encourage honest responses, no names will be associated with the project. Through this project, I hope that stereotypes will be broken and that conversations will develop around topics that are difficult to discuss. I hope that this project empowers people to speak-up about how they would like to be seen and encourages people to be proud of their identity.
Friday, June 25, 2010
Monday, May 24, 2010
Forming the Line to Sit with Marina Abramovic
10:46 am – on my ipod: A Face in the Crowd, by the Kinks:
Today was the day I was making my first attempt to sit with Marina Abramovic at the MoMA.Joe Holmes had given me suggestions on what time to get there and where to stand. He had warned me that the line could get aggressive, but I had no idea what was ahead of me.
My day officially started at 7:15 am. I was up early, because I wanted to be at the MoMA around 8:30 am. I left the house at 7:45 am to start my Marina Abramovic adventure. I arrived at the museum at 8:30ish to line-up to sit with Marina. There were already four people ahead of me.Tim, the first person in line, had arrived at the museum at 6 am. The line slowly grew, but remained orderly. Everyone was very friendly. We were given specific details on how the event would happen by a girl that had sat with Marina 27 times. This was to be her 28 times.
At 9:30 am, the far right door was opened and we were allowed into the main lobby area.Through the revolving doors we went. One girl got ahead of me, but we regained our original order once we got into the ticketing line. Well, that wasn’t too bad. Phase 1 was complete.
Once we were moved into the main lobby area, you could feel a shift in the mood of the group.There was tension, excitement, anxiety, and chatter. The next step was going to be moving from the ticketing line to the bottom of the staircase.
Prior to reaching the bottom of the staircase, a.k.a Phase 2, I had become friendly with the four people ahead of me and a few people behind me. We had a verbal agreement that we would remain in the same order once we were upstairs, as we had arrived that morning.
By the time we moved into the ticket line in the main lobby, our group had remained strong. As the time came closed to moving to the bottom of the staircase, the line grew with people and emotion. Two ladies had slinked up to the right of me and were attempting to be the first in line. One was wearing goth make-up and a white ruffley skirt with a braid of black hair and a top hat. My guess is that she was well over 60. Her friend had curly hair and a white linen dress. As soon as they walked up our group could sense that they were going to be a problem.
Immediately they started talking to Tim, who was the first person in line, as to why they should be allowed to cut in front of everyone. They were friends of Marina, they were writing a story about her performance, the lady in the top hat was only going to sit for two minutes. It went on and on. Finally, they stopped talking to Tim and started making snarky comments about the people waiting in line. “Could you image sitting across from that all day?” said the lady friend in the top hat. I wanted to say, “you mean people that have been waiting for hours in a orderly fashion and getting to know one another?” Both ladies talked about the people in line as if we were the lowly “general public.” Finally, they gave up. But their mood had shaken the group and it felt as if it had become “us” against “them.” We continued to wait.
After waiting about 40 minutes, we were getting ready to move again. There were three lines for tickets, but only our line was supposed to move forward towards the bottom of the staircase. That didn’t happen. The first few people in my line moved forward and then all three lines made a mad dash to the stairs. There was no chance for the MoMA employees to check tickets. I was in the front of the line before we moved forward, but got pushed backed after the dash to the staircase. I still had the people I had met in view, so that was good. It was time for Phase 3, the final dash.
A MoMA guard stood on the top of the staircase and gave a speech, saying that they we were all number 1 and that they wanted to keep us safe, so there was to be NO RUNNING up the stairs.Five guards with walkie-talkies were going to escort us all up the stairs. There was a shift in the MoMA employees that indicted that we were moving forward and we were off.
Pushing and shoving, we made went up the stairs. You had to run because people behind you were running and pushing you. One girl that was experienced with the event had lost her shoe in the dash. But she kept on moving. Tyler, the guy running next to me, some how reached down and grabbed her shoe.
Before I knew it, the official line to sit with Marina had formed and I was nowhere near the front of the line. Originally, I was fifth in line, but now I was probably 25 people back. Tyler, my friend that had flow from Florida just to sit with Marina, was with me. Nope, I wasn’t having that. I had been in line at 8:30 am well before most of the people that were now in front of me.
At the front of the line, I spotted the people I had met earlier that morning. I told Tyler that I was moving forward. As soon as the girl that lost her shoe saw me walk up, she allowed me to take my spot in front of her. I gestured to Tyler to come up to the front of the line and he took his spot behind us. I was now in a much better position to sit with Marina. I was now 11 people from the front instead of behind over 25 people.
So now I’m in line, close to the front and my adrenaline is still going. The first person sits with Marina and leaves. Then the lady in the top hat. She had managed to be second in line. Wow, she was sneakier than I gave her credit for. Next, Joshua, the baker in the top hat with a yellow tie and orange socks. Then a group of students followed by a few stray additions to the line.Then me.
I sit, stand, and watch. Talk some, write, and listen to music. I needed to calm down from the running and pushing this morning before I am ready to sit with Marina. I withdrew from the people talking in line for a while into music and writing to calm myself down. I was getting to feel much better and much calmer. For this exhibit, it does not feel right to me to hold extensive conversations while I wait in line. I am in a difference space. I want to focus on what’s going on and bringing my mood down before I sit with Marina.
I sit and wait for my turn.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Sitting with Marina Abramovic
11:38 am –on my ipod, Iron and Wine:
I was in my own world with my headphones on, writing, when I looked up and spotted a friend, Jay Mack, from across the exhibit. We had made eye contact at the same time and we both looked surprised to see each other. I gave a big wave and he came over to talk to me, since I didn’t want to leave the line. We were saying “hello” when Joshua, my friend in the top hat, came over to talk with us. He had finished sitting with Marina a few minutes before he came over to us. He looked shaken. He asked how long he sat and I said I think for about 10 minutes. He replied that it felt like a lifetime. He joked that he thought he was going to die and that he found himself actually counting to 60 while he sat.
Now, to give Joshua major credit for his experience sitting, because he was the third person in line to sit with Marina. The two people before had had only sat for a few minutes and I imagine he was still feeling the rush from running up the stairs. I know that I would have definitely been shaken if I had not had a chance to calm down before sitting with Marina.
Joshua gave me a hug and left. Jay asked what time I had gotten in line and I told him about my previous experience that morning. We briefly caught up about what was going on in our lives and our conversation came to an end. I went back to my place in line. Again, I waited. I waited for my turn to sit with the artist in the large atrium of the MoMA while visitors watch.
12:14 pm – no music:
I’m forth in line. The line has grown quiet. I text my Dad, in Texas, about what I am up to and let him know that he can watch live online via the video feed that is set-up in the museum. I text him a few more times as I slowly move forward in the line.
1:43pm – 2:00pm – sitting with Marina Abramovic:
I am next up in line. I was looking the other way when I was tapped on the arm that it was my turn. I stood up next to the guard.
“Are you ready?” he says.
“Yeah, I think so.” I say back.
“Well, you’ve waited long enough."
He gives me a run down on what I am supposed to do in a quiet voice. “You’ll walk in and sit down, when you are down put your head down. Try to maintain eye contact.” So simple. The instructions are minimal, yet the feeling is intense. I know that I am about to become a part of the Marina’s living exhibit.
I am given the cue from the guard to go forward. I quickly slip the straps off the back of my shoes and try to not have them fall off while I walk towards her. I let my focus shifted only to my walk to the chair I was going to sit in and try to keep my eyes on Marina. The chair is made of heavy wood and is a few feet away from the artist. There’s no turning back now. I am filled with a determination to do something different during my sitting.
Marina’s head is still down and her eyes are half closed as I take a seat in the chair across from her. I kick my shoes off and pull my legs up so I’m sitting cross-legged. My hands naturally fold into my lap.
Marina slowly brings her head up. Her eyes open and meet mine. She smiles. I immediately feel a sense of relief and almost amusement by her reaction. I got a sense that she was comforted to see that I have removed my shoes and was sitting cross-legged.
To give everyone a little bit of background on the performance, anyone can sit with the artist. As I stated before, you are supposed to maintain eye contact with the artist and not speak, but those are the only instructions that are given. The visitor sitting with Marina determines the length of the sitting. Some people sit for 5 minutes, others for an hour, but the average for the day I was there seemed to be about 20 minutes.
Everyone that sat before me, sat with their feet firmly planted in front of them usually with their hands stiffly on their laps. No one told visitors that the experience had to be so rigid or serious, but that seemed to be the way most people interpreted the experience. Often, people can be seen crying either while sitting or after sitting with Marina. My experience was nothing like that.
Marina’s smile to me felt warm and welcoming. I felt as if we were playing a game after her initial smile. She would shift and I would shift. I smiled, and she smiled slightly. We both blinked quite often while we were getting comfortable with each other. I had anticipated that my experience was going to be incredibly intense, after all, many people, both men and women, had been brought to tears, but my experience was nothing like that. It felt playful and fun. Serious, but also a little absurd. For the first few minutes my eyes were locked onto Marina’s, then we both settled.
Once I was settled, I began to notice the noise that surrounded me. There were people on all four sides watching me sit with the artist, but I couldn’t see them. I could pick up certain words, “she” and “her,” but I could not determine the context of the conversation. Where they talking about me or where they talking about Marina? How did the viewers react when they saw me take off my shoes and sit cross-legged? I also knew that over Marina’s left shoulder, my friend Jay was watching me. Was he still there? Or had he left?
The most districting part for me was the blurred vision of the massive telephone lens pointed in my direction. Twice, my gaze broke from Marina’s when I could tell the photographer as taking a picture of me. I think my gaze broke two other times, but I am not really sure what caused the shift.
My thoughts moved around while I sat relatively still. At times, I wondered what Marina was thinking. Was she trying to figure me out? What did she see? What was she feeling? There were times were I was engaged with what I was thinking and feeling. Sometimes it was something completely shallow like “I’m sitting with Marina Abramovic, that’s so cool.” And, “She’s looking right at me and only at me, wow.” Often, I found myself look directly at Marina but my interest was in the movement of people behind her and the blurred shapes on the wall. I was seeing people and shapes out of my peripheral vision, so they were all blurs that would move, pause, and then move again. I could make out a blurry guard swing his arms, probably in boredom. Sometimes, I felt as if I was in a living picture.
I studied Marina’s face; the color of her eyes, the shape of her mouth, the complexity of her skin. She was natural, with no make-up and she was beautiful. Her mouth and eyes said the most during my experience. Slight shifts left me with different feelings: happiness, wonder, and curiosity. The things I noticed the most was that she had beautiful lips and beautiful, but tired green eyes.
During my time sitting, I never left Marina’s eyes leave mine, but I thought I could feel shifts in her moods. Sometimes it felt like she was close to tears, but more in a positive, relieved way. Or, that’s at least how I’d like to think of it. Sometimes, I felt her drift off, as if she was no longer in the moment. And I would feel myself drift off. Then we would both come back and we were again, connected to each other.
Only a few times, did I wonder how long I had been sitting. At one point, I could feel how tense my body was, especially my back and legs. Had it been 5 minutes, 10 minutes, half an hour? I had no idea. I would take a deep breath and felt my body relax further into my sitting position.
I checked in with myself and thought I am almost done, but then that shallow thought crossed my mind, “I am sitting with Marina Abroamovic and I should enjoy it just a little bit longer.” I go for a few more minutes and am able to keep my focus strictly on Marina. I am happy and decide that’s enough. I slowly move my head down and lose my eye contact. I reach down and put my shoes back on. I stand up and walk away. Done.
2:00pm - My experience after sitting
My experience was nothing like I expected, but everything I could have asked for. When I walked away, I felt completely energized and connected. I thought I would reaction like other people and want to be by myself, but I did the complete opposite. I walked back to the line of people and plopped myself back down next to the people I had met.
My goal was to sit for about 20 to 25 minutes, which was about how long I sat. Tyler asked me if Marina looked at me when I took my shoes off. I had to stop and rethink the experience. When Tyler asked me the question, I wasn’t completely what had happened. What I remembered was that Marina’s head was down while I was taking my shoes off and I was completely settled before she looked-up at me.
Tyler told me that Marina had given me a huge smile when she looked up at me. This made me really happy. I could not have asked for a better reaction from her. The girl in between Tyler and myself was currently sitting with Marina. She had left her purse with Tyler and Tyler asked if he could leave his personal items, wallet, cell phone, and watch, with me while he sat. I half jokingly asked if he was going to sit for hours before I said yes. He said no and gave me his things. I left the line and walked around the viewing area to see all the different angels. I was completely amazed at the amount of trust we had all felt with each other in line. We had only known each other for a few hours, yet we all felt comfortable asking the people around us to watch our belongings. Part of this was because there was security everywhere, but the biggest factor, at least for me, was that I felt a sense of closeness to the people in line.
A gentleman asked me if I minded sharing my experience with him. We talked for a few minutes and then we both moved on. I finally settled on the side and sat so I could see the profile of both Marina and the participant. Tim, from earlier that morning, finds me and we discuss our experience. He was still unsure what he thought about the whole thing and said he would need to process it for a while. However, he was definitely emotionally moved.
The girl sitting with Marina finished. She had completed her 28th time sitting with the artist. Tyler was up next. I was in and out of conversation with the people around me, while Tyler sat very serious and straight-faced. That is until the very end. I saw him move out of the corner of my eye and could tell that he had cracked. A few tears and he stands up and walks out.
I wondered if he had seen me sitting on the side since I had all of his stuff. He speed-walked to towards the bathrooms. Two women attempted to ask him what his experience was like. He kept walking. After a few minutes, he took a seat beside me. We hang around for a few minutes and then decide it’s time for some lunch. I decided that I am going to come back another day to see the rest of the exhibits at the museum. I didn’t want to see anything else today.
We walk out of the museum and our time with Marina Abramovic and the exhibit The Artist is Present comes to an end. Well, at least for today. Tyler and I grab some food and talk for a while. He decides to head back to the museum and I go to Central Park. He has my card and we both say that we are going to keep in touch. We wave goodbye.
I take a seat in the grass in Central Park. It’s a beautiful day outside. I text with Joshua about my experience and tell him that I will email him the pictures taken of him sitting with Marina when I get home.
Then I talk with my Dad on the phone. He recounts to me what he saw while he watched me sit with Marina via the live video stream. My Dad and Step Mom were both able to watch my experience live. My Dad said that he had watched a few other people sit before me, but when I walked up, he felt an intense nervousness for me. He said he felt like he was there sitting with Marina. I was surprised to hear that his experience of watching me sit was almost as intense as me actually sitting with Marina. He shared what he saw and I shared my experience. We both agreed that Marina seemed to be energized by my presence and that she maintained a strong presence during my time sitting with her.
I hang-up with my Dad and give Danny a call to tell him about my experience. Another call ends and I find myself sitting in the park, and continuing to reflect about my experience. I remain energized and excited about the whole thing, especially my actual experience of sitting with Marina, until later that evening when a wave of exhaustion hits me.
I am honored and humbled that I had the chance to participate in Marina Abramovic’s exhibit The Artist is Present and am looking forward to hearing more about the exhibit once it closes at the end of May.